Money should not be a landmine
Joneen Mackenzie writes that undisclosed debt can feel like betrayal, and that couples need a shared third identity: us.
Joneen Mackenzie ·
Spending, unending consumption, credit cards, online shopping, ATMs, college loans, refinancing deals, and online money transfers have made managing finances a shell game. Debt is at an all-time high, and it is affecting the quality of relationships. For millennials who are marrying later, both partners bring financial histories into the relationship. Some enter marriage with undisclosed financial obligations. This avoidance of debt disclosure can erode trust and may even feel like a betrayal.
Mackenzie writes that couples should see themselves as two separate individuals with a shared third identity: me, you, and us. A way to defuse conflict when both individuals are working and sharing duties at home is a shared bank account, with each partner having their own accounts that are used by each individual but disclosed to one another with trust and transparency. For relationships to be successful, both partners need to contribute equally in the form of finance and effort. If one person feels that he or she is the only one contributing to the success of the union, resentment will run high, and the relationship equilibrium will be negatively affected.
On a positive note, today’s couples have an amazing opportunity to design and reimagine how their relationship is going to operate, not having to align with the roles of the past. Ensuring the relationship is defined by full disclosure, honesty, transparency, and respect is the path to success. Once a couple has these skills and agree on how to operationalize what they earn, spend, save, and donate, peace about money will prevail. There are so many landmines in a relationship; money should not be one of them. joneen@narme.org
Print source: The Villager, Vol. 44 No. 37, Aug. 6, 2026, page 3. Issuu edition.