Boundaries are Kind
As students return to a school routine, Joneen Mackenzie writes that clearly articulated boundaries in classrooms and relationships are kind.
Joneen Mackenzie ·
Now that school has started, students are returning to a routine and learning to avoid chaos while maintaining healthy educational habits and relationships. To do this, boundaries are essential. Creating and articulating boundaries in the classroom and in relationships is kind and creates clarity. To optimize learning, clarity and consistency are essential, which sets students up for success by helping them understand the system, rules, and expectations.
Students often know when they can push the limits and with whom they can do so. A student who behaves well with their regular teacher may act out and clown around when a substitute takes over the classroom. A child may push all the limits with mom but will honor the line with dad. Setting limits on what we will and will not tolerate in relationships may sound uncaring or unloving. The truth is that research shows the opposite. Boundaries do not restrict freedom; they enhance it.
Years ago, an educational study was conducted at a newly built school. Education students at a nearby university asked the contractor not to complete the playground fence. The education majors observed children ages 5–11 during recess. All the children, without exception, played close to the building. Months later, when the fence was erected to define the play area, the children ran and played up to the fence line, even pressing their little noses against it. This demonstrates freedom in knowing limits, being aware of their edges, and going the distance within those boundaries.
Physical boundaries are about proximity to one another. No one teaches us to stand 12 inches apart when speaking. Yet we instinctively step back if someone is too close. As we get to know that person, we feel safe and allow less distance between us. With several loved ones vying for alone time, this example is one many readers can identify with. Think about morning coffee time. To most, this time, in the quiet of the start of a new day, when we pour our first cup of coffee, is sacred. We are getting the cobwebs out, waking up slowly, and enjoying the smell, taste, and warmth of our morning ritual. Family members should be instructed to honor this time. It is so universal that coffee mugs declare when it is okay to approach the morning coffee lover. When the cup is full, the line says, “Shhhh.” We take a few sips, and the midline of the cup declares, “Almost.” When empty, it reads, “Now talk.”
My 91-year-old mom was a great cook. She thought about what to serve from the moment she awoke. When she came to Colorado to visit, she prepared the meals. Sitting next to her, I asked, “Would you like more?” She replied, “No thanks, I’m stuffed.” She immediately served me another helping. Did she not hear me? Is this an Italian tradition of overserving guests? Is eating such an important value to her that she ignored my request? Considering each of these questions, her age, her habits, and the intent of her heart, I chose not to rebuke her and hurt her feelings. I just let the extra help remain and gave her grace. However, I would assert myself and speak out if someone else did not honor my request. Creating healthy boundaries and, in a kind and loving way, informing others about what you will and will not accept enhances relationships, especially now as we are creating a new routine and rhythm. Boundaries, when articulated clearly and with respect, are kind.
joneen@narme.org
Print source: The Villager, Vol. 44 No. 42, Sept. 10, 2026, page 3. Issuu edition. The print page mixes the column with adjacent ads; this draft follows the readable column text from the issue extract. The print contact line is the email; Mackenzie is the Villager’s recurring relationships columnist for this series.